Life moves at a rapid pace and we end up watching life happen sometimes as though we were outside of it, watching ourselves go through it all. I certainly feel that way.
Over the last few weeks I have decided to do something huge for myself; I began to attend Al-Anon. For those who don't know, this is a group intended for the friends and family of those who are alcoholics, or have a problem of alcohol. Those who are recovering may also find themselves in the program, because as they say, it is a family disease, but I personally am not one of these.
I have yet to decide if I will really speak much on this. I think perhaps it is better to participate in a program like this for a while first. The traditions state that it is important to maintain anonymity, and I think that this must be very important or it wouldn't be such a big part of the 12 traditions. Still, it can be helpful to put things out there. So for now, I am on the fence about what I might end up doing with this. While I do believe this could and would help, that doesn't mean that my good intentions will have good results.
This has not at all been part of any New Year's Resolutions. The fact is, I hate resolutions. I find them to be tedious and fleeting. The majority of people have dropped these before much time passes at all. Rather than fuss over something huge, I have realized that it is often much better to take a good look at resolutions from a more measured and realistic stand point. I think for now it is better to focus on small goals well done than large goals that feel forced or like some kind of ridiculous show.
We all fall into that trap, don't we. Putting on a show for those around us, trying to make us look like something we wish we were or whatever. Some are more inclined to put on the show because the want something, and it's less about wanting to be admired or revered, and more about wanting something from others: money, sympathy, attention, pity, fear, etc.
Some of us sit back and think that to be angry, jaded, negative or all around unpleasant is what being real is all about. I disagree. To me, I can see the bad things that go on in the world, the negative things that happen around me, and I make a choice to see a bright side to life as a whole. To mistake optimism for naivety is a mistake. My thinking is that in more cases that you would even realize, this is not a naive way of thinking, but rather, it is a wisdom, and those who look down on it are often jealous or just straight out frightened of what may become of them if, heaven forfend, they should dare to hope or dream.
So for this year, it is my dearest hope so far, and this is all I have of it right now, is to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. A grateful heart is a happy heart. I have a lot to be thankful for. Things are a little tense at the moment in some aspects. For instance, I am stuck taking a bus to and from work when I can't get a ride right now. This is resulting in my spending about 13 hours a day away from home between work and transit, and while this is frustrating, it will be alright in the end.
Bright sides, right? I choose to take this as an opportunity. I get motion sick if I read in any vehicle with wheels. I can manage it on trains, boats and planes, but in a bus, car or truck I often find I get dizzy and ill. So instead I knit and I listen to audio books and sermons and music. It works out for me. It's something to be grateful for. I may be stuck on transport for over 90 minutes each way every day, but I can be grateful for the time to improve myself, and make things to keep me warm in the bitter cold of the north all winter.
To paraphrase Jane Austin: It is only a weak character that is determined to be unhappy forever. We have choices, and that I think is what I am learning the most lately. I can choose to be grateful, and I can choose to make the most of a crap situation. What is your choice?
